God I’m lazy. Here I am, soliciting guest posts from people when it’s Christmas and what I should instead no doubt be doing is frantically baking up mince pies with double butter shortcrust (NO BECAUSE MINCE PIES ARE FOUL) or feeding a Christmas Pudding I made three months ago (NO BECAUSE CHRISTMAS PUDDING IS MASSIVELY OVER-RATED) or just getting stuck into the cooking sherry as I concoct some kind of foul trifle (NO….WAIT! I MEAN YES! TO BOTH COOKING BOOZE AND TRIFLE). I should be doing all these things and add them to cornucopia of Christmas-themed posts currently flooding the internet.
Anyway, I’m not doing any of those things. In passing, chatting to a friend, she mentioned she’d been baking and I barked, ‘Oh fancy doing a guest post?’ at her for no good reason. She kindly said yes and, thus, below you have L’s version of a bloody delicious, never-fail chocolate cake-that-isn’t-quite-a-cake-but-is-delicious.
L usually blogs about fashion, particularly fashion for those of us who no longer live in the realm of twenty-somethings. Or thirty-somethings. If you like you can go visit her much more stylishly designed site at The Stylopedia where there’s a lot of less to make you fat and a lot more to make you glitter.
I’ve gone relatively full Christmas this year, I think partly in an attempt to quell the nauseating homesickness I’m experiencing. I’ve done Decorating The House and had Carols on the Telly. It’s worse than ever, the homesickness, and I long, really really long, for a hot Christmas and the beach and seafood and drinking white wine in the sun (as described by fellow Perth-person Tim Minchin here).
Christmas in the UK is usually very pleasant, mostly spent in a reclining position at the in-laws’, being fed never-ending food and booze. I’ve nothing to complain about – well, other than this year’s Christmas lunch menu of Lasagne. I mean, what? IT IS NOT CHRISTMAS FOOD – and complain I musn’t. I will, however, miss home.
Stupid sunny, good, beachy family and friends Australia.
Right. Here’s L with a reassuringly sweary post. I’m off to cry in a corner for a little bit. I’m at work, so that will no doubt go down really well.
Oh – Merry Christmas!
Everyone needs to have a basic little black dress that can be dressed up or down for any occasion. It requires zero thought; you just put it on, and the right one looks like you’ve made more effort than you actually have. It looks suitable. Appropriate. Maybe even kick-ass on a good day.
225g good-quality dark chocolate, chopped into pieces (70% is perfect, don’t go much less, but you can definitely go darker).
Melt the chocolate and the butter in a a double boiler, or in a heatproof bowl set over a pan of simmering water, stirring from time to time to combine. I don’t do this. I just melt the butter and chocolate on a verrrrry low heat, and comply with the instructions to stir now and then. Add the sugar, and stir with a wooded spoon. Let cool for 5 minutes. (I did not use a wooden spoon, sue me).Add the eggs one by one, stirring well between each addition. Tip in the flour and the salt (Clotilde says to sift the flour. I have never bothered, and the cake hasn’t suffered), and stir until well combined. This is the part where you can add in the roughly chopped toasted pecans (I did today) or the 200g of fork-mashed raspberries (shudder) or whatever else takes your fancy. A generous pinch of cinnamon if you want to go all Mexican. Sometimes my husband adds in a slosh of rum. He thinks everything is better with a little alcohol added, and that probably includes me.
(Yes, there is an Elf On The Shelf in crash position in my fruit bowl).
Pour the batter into the prepared pan and bake for 30 minutes.As you near the 30 minute mark, circle around your kitchen like a goldfish, and check it every minute, since ovens all vary. Mine needs 32 minutes exactly on the middle shelf. Do the usual thing of inserting a toothpick or knife in the centre (Editor’s note: L is American so I’d like to give her some credit her for spelling ‘centre’ properly) to make sure it is cooked through. Do not overcook and let the edges get overly browned, or you will lose the lovely almost gooey and wet texture of the finished product. A dry cake is the worst. The worst. No point really. Chuck it in the bin.
Let it finish cooling before transferring to a plate. This is the part when you will thank me for bossing your into using the parchment paper because it makes this process SO MUCH EASIER. You’re welcome.
The original recipe says to cover the cake tightly with plastic wrap, and to refrigerate it for 8 hours or overnight, removing it from the refrigerator half an hour before serving. I never do this. I do cover the cake with a cloche (Oooooo! Get me, so French with my fucking gateau under a cloche) and try my hardest not to eat more than two pieces in a row.
…but then I changed my mind and went for the dusty-snowflake-with-icing-sugar effect instead. If I had some edible silver glitter, I would probably sprinkle a touch of that on as well. Probably. Accessorise however you like. It isn’t a particularly beautiful cake (hence the accessorising) but what it lacks in beauty, it makes up for in flavour.
This cake is not quite a brownie and not quite a ganache; it is something in-between. Equal parts butter and chocolate will do that! Can you see how squishy and gorgeous it is? A slice of unadulterated chocolate heaven, I tell you.