Deathslice – Tim Tam & Fudge No-cook Slice

So, in the final few days before NewHuman arrived and the sun had made us punchdrunk I got Mum to look through a couple of recipe books and choose something to make. I have a sweet tooth. Mum has a sweet mouthful of teeth. Having said that, even I was surprised she chose this slice. It’s essentially Death, masked as tasty chocolate sugary stuff. Mum and the boyfriend loved it. I tried one piece, and was done.

If you’re not Aussie don’t worry, you can make this with Penguins instead. Penguins are a shit replacement for Tim Tams if you’re eating as a pure biscuit, but they worked fine in this.

No cooking required. Barely even interaction with naked flame, bar a brief flirtation with melted butter and condensed milk. Piece of piss. Easier to deal with than baby piss, I’m guessing. Less endless than baby piss.

Suppose I’ll know more about that soon enough. T-2 days at the time of writing. Sheeyit…

Update: NewHuman arrived. He’s new. And human. I consider that a result.

Right. This is from an Aussie Women’s Weekly ‘Little Book of Chocolate’ or similar. Basically faux-gourmet filth. Brilliant.

I adjusted amounts slightly to fit with British ingredients, will try and remember both … If you’re American or living in another country I am Really Really Sorry but I’m no so au fait with your sugary shit. Substitute as you see fit.



2 packets of Tim Tams (Oz) or 2 packs (18 single biscuits) of Penguins (UK)

185g of Jersey Caramels (Oz) or about 8 single Fudge bars (UK)

200g good quality dark chocolate

1/3 cup of condensed milk

50g butter

teaspoon tasteless veg oil


Blitz half the biscuits to a powder, and roughly chop the other half. Boyfriend will help.


Then chop your caramels/fudge bars up. Boyfriend will help with this, also.

While he’s helping, melt the condensed milk and butter over a low heat till combined.


Stick the chopped up/blitzed stuff in a bowl and pour in the melted butter and condensed milk. Mix through.

You’ll go light-headed.


Lay it all out in a slice tin around 20cm x 30cm or so, lined with greaseproof. Stick it in the fridge for 30 mins to firm up.

When cool, melt your chocolate with the teaspoon of oil, and pour over the top. Back into the fridge for another 30 mins.


This is the beat up old Country Women’s Association Book I’ve yet to cook anything much out of. You Aussies out there might remember the Golden Wattle – actually it might be specific to West Aussies. Anyway, I love the Golden Wattle more.

I was toying with the idea of cooking some ginger biscuits the CWA book had listed, till I saw it called for 3 pounds of flour. No-one needs that many biscuits.

Right. Slice.



Decant from the slice tin, chop up into small bits (you’ll only want a bite at a time, trust me) and then send to work with the boyfriend as they’re much too dangerous to be left at home.



4 thoughts on “Deathslice – Tim Tam & Fudge No-cook Slice

  1. Nessa says:

    So glad your little man has arrived safely, hope you are enjoying him.

    Will give these a go. I cooked the cheese muffins. They were rather delish.

  2. narf77 says:

    Firstly CONGRATULATIONS! 🙂 You have a son. Son’s are good to their mothers…clever girl, you picked the right gender to sprout :). You are right…that IS death. Good on your mum for knowing that that is EXACTLY what you were needing ;). I think I have that C.W.A. cookbook’s sister here in Tasmania. The only difference is that she has blue tape. I don’t have the Golden Wattle but might be able to find one at the op shop or not…”cheers hipsters and your incessant need to buy EVERYTHING “vintage” to accessorise your homes…sigh…” If I was you, I would get mum to make me about 20 of those death slices. You might not be thinking you need them now but keep them in the freezer…they might just be your reason for getting up someday soon ;).

    • b-kom says:

      Hmm the slice was just maybe tooooo sweet. We shall see! And thanks for the congrats, he’s pretty cute….

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