Cheating Bastards Banoffee Pie


Last weekend I fed 10 for lunch.  Like Jesus, but better because I can prove I did it rather than just some random person claiming I did.  It was a lot, really, but the afore-posted stew (with some poshing up) did for mains quite nicely.  Dessert, however, was another matter.

This is banoffee pie for those of you who can’t cook/won’t cook or just don’t have time or inclination to do more than throw a few pre-prepared ingredients together.  Kind of like a ready meal dessert.  Or half-ready-meal-dessert that you bung about a bit till it’s ready.

No cooking required.  Just some bunging.


You’ll desire:-

1 shortcrust pie case, from the supermarket.  This’ll take some finding. I went through 9 cases before I found one that wasn’t already busted, then nursed it home in the car like a sickly infant.  It survived.

2 bananas

1 can of Carnation caramel stuff

Some chocolate for crumbling – I went really surburban with flakes cause I wasn’t even going to attempt to posh this up by using some high-cocoa chocolate

Whipping cream

Vanilla paste, about a teaspoon.

Icing sugar (not pictured)


Have your boyfriend/kitchen assistant/whoever place the pie case on a plate.  That way if it breaks it’s not your fault.


In a bowl add the vanilla and about a heaped dessertspoon of icing sugar to the whipping cream, and then whip.  You want quite stiff peaks, but don’t go beyond it unless butter is what you’re after.


Spoon a layer of the caramel sauce over the bottom of the pie case.  This stuff is SO incredibly sweet that your teeth grow fur just by looking at it.  I can’t really take it, too much for me.  You’ll use about 2/3 of the can, I reckon.  I did, chucked the rest out.


Slice your bananas as evenly as you can manage and place on the caramel.  Sprinkle over some flake, enough to suit your personal preference.


Using a bit spoon, blob on the cream – don’t try to do this all neatly with a knife – it’ll go wrong.  You definitely want to blob it on and then use the spoon to shufty the cream into the edges.  Sprinkle some more flake over it.

I ate none of this, by the way, too sweet even for me.

I also made an Eton Mess type thing, as shown below.  Much more palatable – I mixed some of the leftover whipped cream from the Banoffee with some sweetened and vanilla’d marscapone cheese, crumbled in meringues, then topped with berries and passionfruit.  Oh, and some mint.  Very acceptable.

The foster dog moved to his new home on Sunday – it was all fine till he put his paws up on the car window as they drove away – we had to distract ourselves by walking our remaining dog and some nice food from a local cafe.  Food cures all emotional ills.  It also makes you fat.  Fat but not emotional.



3 thoughts on “Cheating Bastards Banoffee Pie

  1. narf77 says:

    I think you lost me at that 16 pack of flakes…as an upside down bearded man once said to Brian…”you lucky, lucky bastard”! 16 flakes! OH the wonders of living in the old country…here in antipodia we only get single bars…no seething masses of flakes lined up for our degustory pleasure for we Aussies. Are the streets lined with gold too? I would have cried when the foster dog left. I would have eaten a few packets of those 16 flakes. I am with you on the pie…American sweet but the mess looks an entirely different proposition. Now I am off to petition Steves mum to send us some of those flakes in a Christmas parcel…

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