Fudged Up Chocolate Cake

Chocolate cake.  One that went a bit wrong.  I promise it will still taste good.    Recipe below.


I wrote that out specially for you.  Happy Easter.


Get all your stuff together.  It doesn’t look like a chocolate cake yet.  That’s the magic of baking.  Or of a supermarket where you can buy them already made.


The recipe does not explicity state that you should include easter bunnies, but if you have any spare, then murder them by melting gently in a microwavable bowl, and add to the mix at the final stage.


Grease and line a cake tin, springform if you have one.  Fold your baking paper thusly.  Then measure from the middle of the tin to the outside and cut with some scissors.  This is a handy tip you can have for free.


Look.  A lined cake tin.  Magic.


Get all your stuff together – whisked (ie sifted, we’ll come to that bit later) dry ingredients, melted butter (and chocolate if you’re using, I recommend you do), vanilla, eggs, and milk/coffee combo.


Mix the melted butter into the dry mix, gradually, mixing well as you do.  Then add the milk/coffee mixure and the vanilla – beat well.    Keep beating.  Add the lightly beaten eggs (there’s a lot of beating going on, and if you stuffed up like I did, some self-flagellation shortly to come.  Enjoy) in bits, mixing well in between.  Add the melted chocolate at this stage.


This is the sifting/whisking thing.  I once tipped that you can just about whisk anything that is recommended sifted.  That’s true but it’s not true of cocoa powder.  You should always sift cocoa powder.


Lumps.  Bloody cocoa powder.  At this stage I had lost two arms trying to beat the lumps out so just gave up.  But your mix will look perfect – and hopefully glossy like this one.  Gloss is good.  It’s glossy cause you’ve got melted butter and melted chocolate in it.  Good stuff.


Pour into your tin and put in the oven at about 160-180C.  A tin this size took just short of an hour.  I actually had the oven at gas mark 4/5 here, slightly cooler than you’re supposed to.  This is where cakes, for me, go wrong, as I have a certified Shit Oven.  Ideally the cake will raise relatively slowly and evenly, and not break, or at least not much, the surface.


Oops.  *&%”%$&$(£&!!

Fecking oven.  Anyway this is not a good look.  It’s not what you’re after.


Turn it upside down onto a cooling rack – as you can see, the crumb is actually nice and fine in the places your Shit oven hasn’t crapped things up.

I’ll leave this to cool a bit, then turn it over and inspect the damage.  Will prob slice off the tumourous top.

Decorate as you wish – chocolate buttercream icing and raspberries is nice.

See below – icing is a brilliant thing – you’d never know there was a bad cake underneath all that.  Not, at least, until you slice it open.

(I have sliced it open.  It’s quite nice inside.  Stupid oven).



2 thoughts on “Fudged Up Chocolate Cake

  1. ediblethings says:

    Was the oven off of the previous tenants of your house, or did you actually buy it yourself? Someone needs to accept blame for all the cake maiming.
    If it was a relic, you should decide that its time is short, and that you will replace it soon.

    • b-kom says:

      oh the oven came with the house when we bought it. it has a shelf life, we are Making Decisions about kitchen thingies at the moment. but the oven is Truly Shit at delivering even heat, as evidenced by TrollCake.

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