See the bacon above?  That is the best bacon.  I hesitate to say it as it’s not Australian bacon but there you go.

Apparently it’s also microwave-able, who knew?  Who’d do that anyway?  Microwave bacon?  Illegal.

Anyway, get some of this bacon cause you’re making your boyfriend breakfast.  It may or may not be because he cleared up the backyard for you, including some dog-poo deposits of unknown toxicity.


See how, with the plastic wrapping removed, it still looks like plastic?  That’s the beauty of stabilisers and preservatives my friends.


Stick in a frypan, no extra fat needed.  See that white stuff in the bacon?  That’s fat, soon to hit your thighs.  Enjoy.

Cook it a bit.


This is the dog doing an impression of your boyfriend upon being told his bacon isn’t ready yet.


Turn over the bacon.  It’ll begin curling like that spiral perm I had when I was 15.  Spiral perms are never a good idea.


Butter some bread, generously.  At this point you could also add some of that homemade chutney I know you’ve made, or some tomato sauce.  Or, if you’re hideous, brown sauce.  Your boyfriend, however, likes it just plain buttered.


Cooked bacon.  Personally I could go a little crispier but for bacon sarnies this is about right.


Place a generous pile on one slice of bread.


Slap on the other slice of bread, serve with a mocha, cause your boyfriend likes chocolate despite having told you, when you first met, that he doesn’t have a sweet tooth.  He lied.


This is the dog doing some heavy begging.  This happens a lot but is particularly hard going when bacon is involved.

You’ve not had bacon of course, you’ve had some jam on toast, taken the dog for a long walk, hung out the washing, done the washing up and are about to pay some bills.  Easy like Sunday morning my arse.


4 thoughts on “Bacon

  1. biondino says:

    Note the Belle and Sebastian mug there.

    Your boyfriend was very pleased with this breakfast and will be clearing up dog poo in the future.

  2. Ryan McNeely says:

    Baaaa-cooooooon *drools*

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